


It's who we are

by DrawingBooks_Louayokes_5



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Genre: Brotherhood, Dealing With Loss, Friendship, M/M, Missing, Multi, Training, learning, relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrawingBooks_Louayokes_5/pseuds/DrawingBooks_Louayokes_5
Summary: "It was the third day after Qui-Gon's dead and still, Obi-Wan can't get the information into his skull. (...) At least the kid's being apprenticed. From him. He wouldn't fail him. He wouldn't lose him. He wouldn't lose anyone ever again."The story of Obi-Wan training Anakin after the dead of Qui-Gon Jinn. Obi-Wan swore to himself that he wouldn't lose Anakin to death nor the dark side. Let's see how this one goes, shall we?





	1. Remembering and looking forward, but living in the present

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> I had this idea after watching all the movies all over again.  
> I hope you like it and as always, ejnjoy!

### Remembering and looking forward, but living in the present

 

 It was the third day after Qui-Gon's death and still, Obi-Wan can't get the information into his skull.

 It just can't be.

 He was so close to saving him and then he lost him.

 Like a beginner, like a child.

 At least the kid's being apprenticed. From him.

 He wouldn't fail him. He wouldn't lose him. He wouldn't lose anyone ever again.

 The kid's got the haircut of a Padawan short before the Parade. A day or so.

 "Why do I have to cut my hair?" the child had asked.

 "Because now you are a Padawan. It's to show that."

 "Your hair is the same," the kid had stated.

 "Yes, it is. That's because I was a Padawan myself. But now you are my apprentice, so I'll let it grow."

 "As long as Qui-Gon Gin's were?" Anakin had asked carefully.

 Obi-Wan had let out a sad chuckle. "Perhaps. I'll decide that for myself. You can do that, too. Because one day, you'll be a Jedi knight yourself and have a Padawan whom you can show the ways of the Jedi. And so on and on and on."

 Anakin had frowned. "How long will it take for me to become a Jedi Knight?"

 "Until you are ready to be one."

 "And when will that be?" Oh, he was so inquisitive. What was good, on the one hand, but slightly annoying on the other.

 "I, myself, asked that my Master every day. I thought I was ready to be a Jedi Knight myself. But now, I just wish I could be his Padawan one more time. There's a bond between a Padawan and his Master, and it is extremely strong. It can help them coordinate their fight. It connects them."

 "What else does it do?"

 "It is called force bond. We will soon talk about this issue further, for now, it's enough for you to know that the bond connects us with the force and with each other. If I want to see how you feel, I can look inside you through the bond. But other Jedi's won't need a bond to see your feelings if you don't shield yourself."

 "Can I shield myself from you?"

 "Yes, you can - With the right training. But I won't use the bond to look inside of you often. Only if I think it is necessary."

 "I think this is all a little much secrecy. My mom used to say that feelings are what makes you human. So if I hide my feelings, what does that make me?"

 "You don't hide your feelings. You protect yourself. Plus, it helps to concentrate. Sometimes feelings make us choose wrong. With shields and meditation, through which you achieve the shield, you'll be able to keep the feelings out of the way so you can think first. That doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to your heart. But never listen to your heart more than to your mind. At least, don't let it be your first choice. The heart isn't that wise. It doesn't think things trough. It just chooses what is right at the moment, but not right on the long run. And the universe is full of bad people. Not everyone can be trusted."

 "Right. Thank you."

 Obi-Wan had had the feeling that all this new information was a little much for Anakin.

 So he had let it be for the moment.

 The boy had spoken much about his mother the last days.

 He also had wanted to discuss Qui-Gon's death, but Obi-Wan hadn't wanted to. It hurt even saying his name.

Or thinking it.

It wasn't only losing a friend. It was losing a part of him. Someone he grew so close to.

 Lost, forever.

 It was like someone stabbed him in the chest.

 "Obi-Wan? I am ready," a high voice said coming from the door.

 Obi-Wan raised from his bed. "I will be there in 5, Ani."

 "OK. And Master?"

 "Yes?"

 "Would you please call me Anakin?"

 Obi-Wan listened attentively.

 "For what reason?"

 "It reminds me of my mother and ... him, your Master. Yoda said I shouldn't be afraid. But the name is a constant reminder of them."

 First, Obi-Wan didn't respond. The kid refused to call Qui-Gon by his name. Why? Because he was sensitive enough to know that it would hurt Obi-Wan? He felt the boy waiting behind the door getting unsure. "OK, Anakin. I will," he answered. The uncertainty melted away from Anakin.

 One week went by. Anakin learned fast. Although he loved making machines more than meditating and had little patience, his ability to fight and his use of the force was very good.

 "Can you bring those glasses together, so they touch each other?"

 "What's the point in that?" Anakin asked, looking disappointed.

 "When you can make them touch, I will hold against it. Slightly at first, then more until you can pull them together at half my skills."

 "Why not more than a half?"

 "Then we'll move on to bigger objects."

 "Did he do that with you, too?"

 Clever little boy.

 "It made me stronger."

 "You hated it."

 "What gives you the idea?"

 Anakin put on his knowing-and-explaining-face. "Everyone uses that on others. What you hated the most from your teachers, you pass to the one you train. Simply to make them abhor it as much as you did."

 Surprised, Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. "Clever combined, boy. But I do not do this to torture you or to please myself. I do it because it will truly help you, just as it helped me. You'll understand it."

 "Fine," Anakin gave in. His attention went to the glasses, and a little fold emerged on his forehead when he tried to move the glasses.

 He managed to, for an inch. Then he gasped for air. "Why is this so difficult?" he asked breathlessly. His little hands were balled into fists and his expression showed pure frustration. Waves of feeling came through the bond. They were so strong, so pure.

 Anakin felt everything with passion, strong and full. Yoda had been right. This truly was a problem or could become one.

 Obi-Wan's hope was that Anakin would learn to control himself and his feelings, so they couldn't take over him. He didn't dare to think about what could happen if Anakin started to let those feelings take over him. That really would make him valuable. It would make him a possible Sith.

 Obi-Wan shook his head. He couldn't let that happen. Never.

 "You have to move two objects at the same time, the way you want to do it. Start with one by one, when you master that, you can try both," he explained to his Padawan, still distracted by his worries.

 Anakin nodded at this advice, lips between his teeth, concentrated look on his face.

 It took hours until he made them touch. But it was worth it. Anakin's eyes lit up with pride and Obi-Wan praised him.

 "Control, discipline. That's what you will need to do this," Obi-Wan said the third day of trying to getting the glasses to touch. "If you don't put your mind to a rest, the force won't know what to do, as loud as you scream at it."

 Anakin frowned. "I am not screaming at it."

 Obi-Wan sighed. "Then what is it that keeps you from getting them to touch?"

 "I don't know, Master."

 A wave of angst waved through the bond, mixed with another feeling.

 "Don't lie to me, Anakin. It is your mother, isn't it?"

 The boy looked down, the nodded. "I cannot get her out of my head. I'm trying to, but she's all around me."

 "All ... around you?"

 "She's present all the time. I miss her. She said I shouldn't look back. But how can I just forget her? She's my mother. And what about my friends? I am never going to see them, am I?"

 This was Obi-Wan's turn to look at his feet. The kid created a force bond between his mother and himself. "You have to know what you want," he finally said. "You shouldn't forget them. But as your mother said, don't look back. It's remembering and looking forward, but living in the present. Always have a good look at past, present, and future. Know what got you here, where you are now and what your goals are. Focus on that."

_Focus on that._


	2. This progress you are talking about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :)  
> I recently finished this and will look over it again, you never know if you made a mistake :) I sat really long at this chapter and wondered where to end it. I'm pretty satisfied with the ending I chose, it's open for many ways of beginning the next chapter.  
> I really hope you like it and leave a comment below if you find a fault or for giving your opinion on this. Also, critic is of course allowed, and if something's not clear, I will explain open questions.  
> Thanks for reading and enjoy :)

### This progress you are talking about

 

 Anakin was a fast learner. He was impatient and reckless sometimes, but could also focus and was a fast thinker.

 If he just let go of the fear surrounding him and trusted Obi-Wan and the force a little more, he would become a very good Jedi.

 Anakin still thought of his mother often, Obi-Wan could feel it through the bond.

 They trained hard on the exercise with the glasses. Anakin was able to move the glasses together, even if Obi-Wan held against it. So today, they were taking it to a new level.

 "A book?" the boy asked. Incredulity was spread across his face. "Why a book? What am I going to do with that?" He crossed his arms.

 "Patience, my young Padawan."

 Anakin gave him a glare. Obi-Wan knew that he didn't like to be called "young" or "very young". "Inexperienced" was one word that should never be used, because - after hearing the word - Anakin would only talk to Obi-Wan if it was necessary.

 "I try to have patience," his Padawan said defiantly. "It just won't work for me."

 "We'll meditate today," was everything that Obi-Wan had to say.

 "And what will happen to this book, now?"

 "I hoped you could tell me that."

 "Why would I know what to do?"

 "If you can't think of anything, you'll have to think until you find out." With these words, Obi-Wan sat down on the ground. "I can wait."

 Anakin roared in frustration and sat down opposite him.

 "We could make it fly," he finally said, all at once deeply bored.

 "That's good. Try, go on."

 Anakin stared at the object and stretched out his little hands. The book started to rise a bit from the side table and began to get higher, and higher, and higher - then it fell down, resting with its pages down on the floor.

 Anakin stared at it. "Why did it fall down?" he asked no one in particular. "I had all my concentration on it."

 Obi-Wan frowned. "No, you hadn't. You may concentrate and focus, or try to, but your mind is somewhere else."

 The young boy looked up at him, his face blank. "And where would my mind be?"

 "Home," Obi-Wan stated simply. It was all very clear. "It's home for your mother and your friends."

 Anakin looked down. "I'm sorry I failed, Master."

 "It's natural," his master said. "You're learning. And this life isn't familiar to you. I'm not mad at you."

 "Will I ever forget them?" Anakin asked. Fear let his voice tremble.

 Surprised, Obi-Wan looked down at his Padawan, whose head still was lowered. "You don't have to forget them. I remember my family, too. But I know that the common good is more important than my wishes."

 Anakin nodded at that. "Well then, I'd say I'll make this book fly."

 "No," Obi-Wan said. "I'd say you'll have your first meditation lesson today."

 They went to the gardens, where they met Yoda. "Ah, Master Obi-Wan," Yoda smiled. "And his new apprentice, Anakin," he hmm-ed. "What you're doing here, I would like to know."

 "Good day, Master Yoda," Obi-Wan greeted the Jedi Master. "What an enjoyable surprise seeing you here." He bowed, and after glancing over to his Master, Anakin copied the gesture. "I thought I'd take Anakin here to have his first meditation lesson. He's learning fast and I would like to see what he can do after his mind is free of his thoughts."

 Anakin shot a look at his Master. Obi-Wan returned it.

 Yoda hmm-ed again. "A nice day, I wish to you. This progress I would like to witness too, you are talking about."

 Anakin watched the Jedi Master plotting past them, frowning at him.

 "He's very powerful, isn't he?" Anakin asked Obi-Wan after Yoda was out of sight.

 "Yes, he is. Don't focus on the outside, Master Yoda is far more powerful than he looks."

 Anakin nodded still frowning. "What is he? I haven't seen a species like his on Tatooine."

 Obi-Wan smiled at that. "That, I don't know. You can ask the Master yourself."

 Anakin's face expression was priceless.

 They sat down.

 "Free your mind from everything. Close your eyes and come to peace. Breathe in and out."

 Anakin did as he was told. Slowly, Obi-Wan closed his eyes too, breathing constantly in the same rhythm. In, out, in and out.

 "Now, put your hand in mine," he continued, holding up his hands. Soon, smaller ones joined his hands.

 "And what now?" Anakin asked.

 "Don't speak."

 "You speak."

 Obi-Wan opened one eye. Anakin sat stiff and cross-legged in front of him, his back straight and a not-so relaxed expression on his face.

 Obi-Wan smiled at that. He closed his eye again.

 "Relax, Anakin. I'm just explaining. You have to know how it works, don't you?"

 "I-"

 "This was a rhetorical question."

 Anakin was silent.

 "Now, focus on your breathing. Let the force surround you. And every thought that comes to your mind shall be let pass. Don't touch it with your thoughts. Let it go."

 Now, Obi-Wan reached in the force. Anakin was there, too. Not completely, more on the surface, making his way down bit by bit. It was interesting to see his energy, so light and good.

_Hello, Anakin._

_Master?_ Obi-Wan felt a shake in the force. It was created by Anakin's surprise, he soon realized. The kid was stronger than he thought. _Can we communicate?_

_If we meditate, communicating is no problem._

_For what reason?_

_It has something to do with the force. This is nothing you should be afraid of._

_Can we do that too without meditating?_

 Obi-Wan smiled slightly. _No, I fear we cannot._

_Uh. OK._

_Let's begin with our task._

_OK._

_Do you feel the force around you?_

_Y-yes, but it's really complicated t --- in ---_

_Anakin?_

_Sorry, I have struggles staying here. It's all new for me._

_I know, don't pressure yourself. Normally, we shouldn't be able to communicate on the state of your learning._

_Really? So this -_

_\- is no reason why you should not practice. You have a great power, Anakin. To control it, you have to understand it. You shall not use it for things that are meaningless, like let your food fly -_

_I only did it once!_

_And yesterday was erased from your memory?_

 Anakin said nothing at that.

  _Now, we shall begin. First, try to let your mind go further into the force._

 Obi-Wan watched again, as Anakin's light slowly made its way down. Before he sunk too low, Obi-Wan stopped him.

  _Stop. We don't want you to get lost, do we?_

_No, Master._

Obi-Wan was surprised - Anakin's voice was clearer inside his head, not as fragile as before.

  _Try to reach out to me - but before you try, let me show you how. Are you ready? It might tickle._

 _Yes, I am._ The boy responded after a few moments.

 Obi-Wan reached out to his Padawan and lightly touched his mind.


End file.
